


Keep Your Head Down

by boltplum



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield Bonding, Billy Hargrove Being an Asshole, Billy Hargrove Is Bad at Feelings, Billy Hargrove Tries to Be a Better Person, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gay Billy Hargrove, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Neil Hargrove is His Own Warning, One Shot, POV Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Period-Typical Homophobia, Protective Steve Harrington
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:40:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27109648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boltplum/pseuds/boltplum
Summary: She's just turned thirteen when she sees Neil hit Billy for the first time.She runs away.Her heart is in her throat. She can't breathe.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 13
Kudos: 218





	Keep Your Head Down

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this on my now-deleted last account. I liked it so here it is again.

Max isn't stupid.

Even though Billy frequently calls her stupid. Calls her an idiot. Calls her a bitch and a loser and a nerd and fucking busybody shitbird. He calls her a lot of things.

She's not stupid.

She knew she got angry fast when her mom and dad got divorced. Because why, anyway? Why'd they have to go and do that? It's not like he beat her mom or anything. He stayed out late and her mom would complain about the way he smelled when he came back, and they'd fight and they'd argue but it was nothing  _ bad _ . Nothing terrible.

But they still get divorced and Max only gets to see her dad on weekends and he sometimes skips and she wonders what she did. Why doesn't he want to see her? Why doesn't he try harder?

She's pissed off when she cuts all the hair off her barbies at nine years old, and her mom promises to buy her new ones. Pissed. She learned that word from her dad. She tells her mom she doesn't like barbies anymore.

When her mom introduces her to a man named Neil, it's to say she's getting married again. To say they're moving in. Max isn't happy.

But she thinks it might be cool to have a brother. A big brother. She's never had a lot of friends at school to play with, but from what she's heard, big brothers are amazing. They play with you and they wrestle and they teach you to drive and they take you out for milkshakes and to the movies whenever you want.

Neil introduces Max's new older brother to her as William. William scrunches his nose and crosses his arms and corrects his father in a snide voice, "It's Billy."

The hand Neil has on her shoulder squeezes too tight for a quick second and then it's gone.

Billy doesn't look happy to meet her. He frowns and he glares and Max wants to cry. Wants to shout at him to like her.

Wants to say she gets it because she hates how Neil says  _ Maxine _ . Says it's just Max.

Billy sniffs and asks his father if he can go outside and Neil lets him go.

Max doesn't see either of them for a week, when her mom and her have packed everything in their one room apartment up to move.

Neil makes Billy carry the boxes inside the rusting single wide trailer they call home. Max's home now too.

Billy has a bruise on his chin and she wants to ask how he got it. So she does.

"Skateboarding," he snips, and keeps lugging boxes. Keeps his head down.

Max thinks that's so  _ cool _ . She asks and gets a skateboard that Christmas.

When she goes up to her new big brother, who's combing his curls away from his face, she asks, "Can you teach me to skate?"

And Billy looks confused before he gets mad. Spits out, "I don't know how to skate, what the hell are you talking about? Grow up."

And Max doesn't get it. So she goes outside and tries to teach herself.

She falls and skins both elbows bloody. They sting but it feels good. She's going to be ten in two months, and she has to grow up.

\--

She's just turned thirteen when she sees Neil hit Billy for the first time.

She runs away.

Her heart is in her throat. She can't breathe.

She can only run. Out the door and down the street. Her cheeks are cold and wet with tears and she can't close her eyes.

She asked her mom why Billy was spending all his time with  _ that boy from school _ when Neil overheard. The night after, Neil is dragging Billy by his hair into the living room, calling him a word Max has never heard before. Neil makes a fist and slams it into his son's nose and Max sees a gush of red. Billy sobs before quieting. Falls onto his knees and stays there, shielding his head.

Max runs.

Billy is the one to find her.

He pulls up beside her in his Camaro, bought used just six months before. Because Neil had announced he wouldn't be driving them back and forth to school anymore.

Billy shoves the door open and waits, glaring at her in that deadly silent way he likes to do.

And Max isn't stupid.

So she gets in.

"You're going to forget what you saw," Billy grinds out. His face is smeared in blood. His hair is all over the place. Max can't breathe, but she can laugh. It bubbles up out of her underneath a fresh wave of tears and she jumps when Billy slams his palms on his steering wheel. "Shut the fuck up, bitch, and put a cork in the tears. They're useless and you're pathetic."

She can't stop crying.

"Maxine, I swear to god," he tells her, dangerous. "Don't be stupid."

And Max wants to say she's not.

Billy meets her eyes then, and they're red and puffy.

"He's always done this to you."

Billy's lips mash together.

"We should run away."

Billy looks shocked before he snaps his glare out to the road. Tries to hide his face from her.

"Don't be so fucking stupid."

They drive back to the house.

"This is your fault," Billy whispers hotly to her before they leave the car.

Her mom is crying when Max comes back inside. She can't make herself walk any faster than Billy is. They both step like they're walking through quicksand.

It's not her fault.

Neil makes Billy stand up straight. Makes him say  _ sorry, sir _ and  _ yes, sir _ and  _ never again, sir _ and  _ it's not what you think, sir _ .

And Neil says, "Why?"

And Billy answers, "Because I love a wet pussy, sir."

And Max doesn't know what that word means either, but her mother flinches and Neil nods. Satisfied.

Neil and her mom go to bed.

Max is allowed supper. Billy isn't.

After midnight, and when the house has been silent for hours save for Neil's snoring down the hall, Max leaves her room. Tiptoes into the kitchen before she sneaks into Billy's bedroom.

He's awake, lying on his back in bed. He watches her as she stands there, both staring at the other.

"I brought food."

Billy just watches her as she goes to hand it to him.

His hand brushes hers as he sits up and accepts it. Cold mashed potatoes and sliced ham.

He stares down at it.

"I can't."

Max shakes her head. "Eat it now or I wake them up."

"Jesus," he mutters. He starts eating with his hands. "Bitch."

Max doesn't care. This isn't her fault.

But neither is it Billy's. At least, not all the time.

Max isn't stupid.

Billy scarfs it all down. Wipes his mouth with his tank top. Hands the plate back to her.

"Keep your head down," Billy whispers. It's gruff. He's not looking at her. "Keep out of my goddamn business. Don't make it your problem."

And she bristles at that, because why the hell would she?

She leaves without a word.

\--

It's a week later and Billy comes back drunk. Really drunk, really late. Max can hear him all the way from her room. He's stepping too loud. And he's saying  _ fuck _ a lot.

Max hears Neil stomping out from his room, where he'd been sleeping, and Max covers her ears.

She expects screaming.

What she hears instead is thumps. Heavy and echoing. Muffled, but still somehow reaching her like on a telephone line straight to her ears. It's followed by a louder, final thud. Then more stomping signals Neil returning to bed.

Max tries to get her racing heart to calm. Tries to catch her breath. It's over. It was short this time, just like all the others.

Then she hears lights being turned on and quiet voices, arguing from her mom and Neil's room and--and Neil is stomping back down the hall  _ again _ .

Max bites her bottom lip and stuffs her fingers in her ears.

"You want to be a fucking faggot?" Neil demands, a shout. Max squeezes her eyes shut. "You want to go and catch diseases and drink yourself into a stupor to try and cover it up?"

Max bites down harder.

She can't hear Billy at all. Usually Billy is up, he's replying. But Max can't hear him, even when she takes her fingers out of her ears.

"No son of mine is going to be a goddamn, no good queer. The Hargrove name is a respected one, boy, and you'd do well to remember that."

More thuds.

A pause and then something shatters and it sounds like they're running, or wrestling or something. She can hear the quick scuff of shoes on the hardwood floors and pictures Billy getting up and fighting back  _ for once _ .

But then she hears whimpering, loud and sudden, followed by more shattered glass.

"We're moving in two weeks. Keep your dick dry until then, if you can manage." Neil sounds out of breath. She hears more whimpering. "And clean up your goddamn blood before morning. I don't want my family catching anything."

Then more stomping. A slammed door. The loud turn of a lock. More voices and then silence.

Max tiptoes to her door, listening for twenty minutes before she goes to the living room.

Billy is on the floor. His face is swollen. There's blood from his nose and his mouth all over his skin, his shirt, the floor, her mother's new rug.

Her mother"s vases are all shattered. Seashells she collected on a trip to Pacifica with--with  _ Billy _ , when he was still her cool, older big brother--are scattered around. Some have specks of blood on them, and she wonders how hard she"ll have to scrub to get them clean.

She reaches for him but he points at her, aggressive and sudden. He stumbles as he tries to stand.

Max wants to say she's not stupid. She's not afraid. Because she's not afraid of Billy. Not all the time. She  _ is _ afraid of Neil.

But Billy isn"t Neil. Even though he seems like he wants to be a lot of the time.

But he looks ready to kill her, and he does scare her then.

Billy stumbles silently to the bathroom and doesn't keep her from following after him. He really can't after all, being unable to say anything for fear of waking Neil up again.

But Max closes the door shut, turning the handle while she does. She turns the lock and lets out a breath.

"Go to bed, bitch," Billy whispers. He's furious.

He's crying.

"No. No, you gotta get away from him. You have to stop making him hurt you."

His eyes go wide in the mirror, before he winces and ducks his head. Clutches at it, then his side. She sees tears fall, glittering to the tile.

"Fucking go away."

"No."

Billy whirls on her. And she backs up against the door, heart in her throat. Her hands shake, so she balls them into fists at her sides.

Billy raises his hand, like he's about to strike her. But he stops at the last second.

"Go to hell. You deserve this," she says, meaning it and regretting it in the same breath.

But she's not taking it back. She can't. She doesn't do that.

She's so angry just then she's shivering with it. She wants to break something too, and it scares her more than Billy sometimes does, more than Neil ever could.

She wants to hit Billy. She wants to fight back because she doesn"t understand why her big brother hates her so much. She never did anything. She never  _ does _ . She can"t stand up for him, and she can"t stand up  _ to _ him, and that makes her just as bad as Billy in her book. And she hates him, she  _ hates him so much _ .

Billy falls back against the sink. Then he's in her space and folding a hand in her hair. Tugs it hard, gets her eyes to meet his.

"You ruined my fucking life, kid. I wish you'd just take off already."

"And I wish you'd die!"

She says it too loudly. They both hold their breath.

When nothing happens, she says, "Next time I hope he finishes it."

And it makes Billy step away. Makes more tears fall. Makes a space for her to escape, and so she does.

She's so angry.

\--

She snaps her skateboard the next afternoon on the curb. Her arms shake with the break of it. She wipes her frustrated tears away before anyone can see. Nobody cries in the Hargrove household. The rule extends to the Mayfields.

Neil tells Billy he'll have to buy her a new one before they move. He assumes that she broke it while doing a trick. Billy gets slapped on the cheek hard because he was supposed to be watching her. Max had told Billy not to bother.

"Where are we moving to?" Max asks him while they"re walking through Venice Beach.

Billy's eyes are swollen and his head is bruised like a bad apple. He wears shades and a ballcap.

They browse the stands of ripoffs and offbrand merchandise.

"Some hillbilly shitstain town. Hawkins, Indiana."

"What's in Hawkins?"

"Never heard of it before he said anything. So I don"t know much." Then, "A lot of good ole boys and good ole girls if Neil has anything to say about it."

"What does that mean?"

Billy stops and looks at her. She swallows the spit in her mouth, feeling panic bubble up like it often does these days.

Maybe Billy will finally snap and hit her too.

But he doesn't.

"It means it's not California, Max."

"Is there a beach?"

"No."

"What about--"

"I don't know, okay? Christ, you're annoying."

"It's not my fault."

Billy sneers at her. But he bites his tongue and turns away.

They find a new skateboard and Max thinks it's a good one.

\--

Max has to sit in the Camaro the entire drive to Indiana.

It's long. It"s torture.

And she hates Billy's music.

"I'm gonna run away when we get there."

Billy laughs at that. His face looks a lot better. He still wears the shades though. He hangs an arm out the window, tapping along to his music.

"And what're you gonna do after running away?"

"Catch the bus back to California."

"That'll cost you more than two month's allowance."

Heat sits in her cheeks and her nose and she hates him. She  _ hates _ him.

"I hate you."

"What was that?" And his good mood is gone, just like that. "Wanna say that again, you little--"

"I hate you. I hate you, Billy."

He laughs, loud and louder.

"You want me to die so bad, right? Sorry to disappoint you."

"I--I don't want you to die. I just--"

"Want me to run away?"

"Yeah."

"You don't get it."

"I ran away--"

"You don't have anything to run away from, kid."

Max huffs. "You don't even fight back."

"Share with the class, bitch. I didn't quite catch that last one, and it sounds like a real winner!"

Max glares at the endless fields whizzing by out the window.

"You don't fight back!" she repeats. "You never do anything to stick up to him! To stand up for yourself!"

Billy clicks his tongue. "And you think it's so easy, don't you. You really are--goddammit."

Max turns, wary of the tone of Billy's voice.

"Fucking brat. This is your fucking fault. He never would have--" Billy slams his hands on the wheel. Then hits the gas hard as he can.

They swerve between two lanes on the highway, and even though they haven't passed Neil's car, Max screams.

Billy laughs and laughs.

He slows down when Max starts crying.

\--

Max hates Hawkins.

Billy hates her.

Neil hates Billy.

Mike Wheeler is an asshole.

Lucas Sinclair is cute but dumb and a stalker.

Dustin Henderson likes her but she thinks he"s a nerd.

Will Byers doesn"t talk much, and she thinks she could push him into a ditch and he"d let her, probably. But something about him makes her not want to.

Halloween is fun, and for the first time since learning they were moving, things feel normal.

When she meets Steve Harrington, she thinks Billy would probably hate him too.

And that night, she finds out she"s right.

Max isn"t stupid.

\--

Steve Harrington looks like Billy looks after Neil gets pissed for two weeks.

Steve Harrington doesn"t sweat it. He even says so.

Max, in a moment of weakness while daydreaming during school, allows herself to imagine how her life would be different if Steve Harrington"s dad had married her mom instead of Neil. If she"d gotten him as her cool big brother instead of Billy. Steve Harrington would protect her. Steve Harrington would teach her how to skate, and he would drive her to movies, and buy her milkshakes. Steve Harrington is cool, and nice, and kind of dumb, but Max feels safe with him.

And best of all, Steve Harrington isn"t afraid of her brother at all.

\--

Billy’s been staying out of trouble since the night Max threatened him. Since they moved to Hawkins, really, outside of the fight with Steve.

Neil doesn’t touch him from what Max can see until early January. A day before Christmas break is over.

He takes the Camaro’s keys and throws them in the trash compactor. Turns it on.

Max isn’t stupid. And she didn’t think Neil was either, but...then again.

She can see the betrayal in Billy’s eyes, no matter how he tries to cover it up. It only makes Neil hit harder.

Max waits until Neil is asleep, and Billy is stumbling down the street to dig around the compost. She finds the keys, up to her elbows in muck, but otherwise undamaged. And then she calls Steve Harrington.

She can’t call anybody else. There was an underlying theme in the Hargrove household, and that was a resounding  _ no police _ .

Neil had threatened her mom once with it, shortly after moving, and Max had never been so scared in her life.

But then she’d talked with Lucas. And she"d crashed a bat between Billy’s legs.

There’s something to be said for power, and figures it’s how people like Neil and Billy felt all the time.

She hates it as much as she likes it.

So she calls Steve, because it’s the better option.

\--

Steve Harrington isn’t afraid of Billy.

Billy hates Steve Harrington.

But Max isn’t stupid, and suspects Steve Harrington likes Billy. Likes hanging out with him.

They’ve been doing that ever since Max made Steve promise to go pick Billy up. She doesn’t get why. Billy’s an asshole. Unlikable and mean and cruel and angry--so  _ angry _ . But Steve still jokes and laughs with him whenever their paths cross at The Palace, or The Hawk.

Sometimes, when Billy drops her off for milkshakes with Lucas, Steve and Dustin are there, and they all end up having lunch together.

And it’s  _ weird _ . Because Steve makes Billy laugh. And not in that weird, psycho way he usually does. It’s quiet and rasping, and Max didn’t even know what it was at first. Thought he was choking, actually.

Sometimes, if Billy is buying her tickets to a movie, and Steve is buying tickets for the others, they’ll all go and sit together. Steve and Billy sit next to each other, at the end. Billy sits low, with his legs spread out. She tells him it’s a trip hazard and Steve agrees with a throaty snort.

Sometimes, when they go to the quarry, Billy is already there sitting on the hood of his car. He smokes like a chimney while Steve goes and shares it with him. Max is distracted while they play at the water’s edge, or chase some new scientific discovery Dustin insists is nearby.

Sometimes, when Neil is really angry, and Billy doesn’t care--which seems more and more often as the months go by--Max calls Steve. Steve needs less and less explanation for why. He only asks  _ where _ , and Max finds she sleeps easier knowing Billy is being taken care of.

\--

Sometimes, Billy cries.

Sometimes, Max listens. Sometimes, she wants to say something. Because she feels guilty. Because she can’t help. Because she wants to. Because she doesn’t want Neil to do to her or her mom what he does to Billy. And because she still thinks, sometimes, that Billy deserves what Neil does to him. But she isn’t stupid, and knows that’s not right. Even so.

All of the time, she doesn’t say a word.

\--

Once, when Neil and her mom are out shopping, she knocks on Billy’s door. Opens it, because she’s desperate for help with her lit homework, and Billy’s always had top grades.

She hears a squeak and looks up to see Steve Harrington standing inches away from Billy, hands hovering in the air between them. He"s blushing like a tomato.

"Hey, uh--hey Max."

"Get lost, shitbird--"

"Sorry, I just needed help with something," she says. "I didn"’ know you were over, Steve. Sorry. You--you guys aren’t fighting again, right?"

Billy laughs his favorite, fake laugh. The one he puts on when her mom makes a joke nobody thinks is funny.

"No!" Steve says quickly. "No way, Billy was actually tutoring me."

Max frowns. Because she doesn’t see his backpack. Billy doesn"t have any books open.

"Okay," she says, drawing the word out. "I guess I'll come back later."

"He was just leaving, Maxine."

"Max."

"Maxine," Billy says again. "What’d you need help with?"

"This paper I have to do on  _ To Kill a Mockingbird _ . I got like halfway through it and hit a wall."

"Give it here."

She sees Steve give Billy a wondering look. Like he’s confused. Then he smiles, touches Billy’s elbow briefly, and steps around him. He ruffles Max’s hair as he passes and only stops once he’s at the door.

"You’re gonna slay that paper, Max," he says, smiling. Max smiles back even as Billy tugs the paper from her hands and starts reading. "And uh, Billy. Pasta night."

Billy hums, not looking up.

Steve knocks his knuckles against the door frame and leaves.

"Are you having dinner with Steve tonight?"

Billy doesn"t answer her. But his jaw leaps and she knows she’s right.

"Good."

Billy’s eyes flick to hers. Back to the paper. He turns the page and says, "Okay, so there’s a few different ways you could go with this..."

\--

Max hears a crash come from Billy’s room a month later. It’s followed by swearing. Some laughter. Then silence, thick in the dark.

Neil’s door hasn’t budged.

She checks out her window and sees Billy’s light on. A hand that’s  _ not _ Billy’s hangs out of it, holding a cigarette. She wonders if it’s Steve, and doesn’t mind the idea.

Max isn’t stupid.

She knows if Neil wanted to start something tonight, Steve Harrington wouldn’t be afraid to do something about it.

\--

The next morning, she goes to shower. Then she sees Neil and her mom take off.

There’s... _ giggling _ coming from Billy"s room. Then the door is swinging open and it’s Steve there.

And Steve stops, smile falling quick off his face. And Max knows Billy must sense something is wrong because soon enough it’s his head popping up over Steve’s shoulder to glare at her.

"Get lost," he tells her.

"Hey, man, cut it out," Steve admonishes gently. He smiles and runs a hand through his hair. "Your brother was, uh--helping me out with some more tutoring last night, and--"

"Tutored you real well," Billy says, snorting. Max knows he’s being sarcastic.

Steve’s eyes widen. "Anyway! I think I'll be going--"

"You're dating aren't you," Max says and Billy--Billy starts forward.

Steve holds him back. "Man, what’re you doing?"

"She’s--she'll tell them--"

And then Steve is offering Max an apologetic look before ushering her brother back inside, shutting the door behind them. It doesn’t close all the way, and Max is never one to miss a chance to find out what’s been confusing her for so long.

She’s  _ not _ stupid.

"Billy, hey," Steve’s saying softly. Max can see he's got Billy’s arms under his hands, rubbing up and down. "Max is a good kid. She’s not gonna tell anybody."

"You don't  _ know _ what she did, before--before  _ here _ ," Billy hisses, and it’s all fire. All hate, like it always was back when they first moved.

It stuns Max to aching eyes, instant and embarrassing. Because she thought Billy was getting  _ better _ the last couple months. Since Steve.

"You’re just scared, Billy. You--"

"It’s her fucking fault I’m stuck here, Steve. It’s her fault Neil--"

Steve crowds him until Billy’s knees bump the bed. He sits, mouth hanging open.

"She’s a kid, Billy. You're pissed off and scared, and I get it. I do. But you can’t go around blaming her for something she can't fix."

Billy glares up at him. Max knows it’s the worst one he has.

Steve just huffs, taking Billy’s chin in his fingers. "You know that already, though. I know you do."

"I can't keep living like this, Steve," Billy whispers and it sounds so brokenhearted. "I can't do anything to--to get out. To get  _ her _ out."

Steve tilts his chin up until Billy’s meeting his eyes. Max sees Steve’s other hand lift to hold his cheek.

"You told me he doesn’t go after her."

"Yeah, ‘cuz he doesn’t fucking hate her like he hates me."

"My offer’s still good, you know."

"Steve, I can’t."

"Yeah, you can."

" _ Steve _ \--"

"What's the harm in it? You turn eighteen soon. He can’t do anything about it, and you know Hop’s not going to side with him."

Billy sniffs and laughs a little. It’s choked.

"You sure?"

Steve bends down and kisses Billy’s forehead. Max sees her brother close his eyes.

Steve says, "Pack your stuff. We can drop it off on the way to a movie. Feel like taking Max and the kids out for lunch and a show?"

Billy opens his eyes and when he does, they land first on Steve, then on Max, spying from the crack in the door.

He doesn’t give her away.

He blinks and Max watches two tears fall.

And Max isn’t stupid.

She hates Billy. But she loves her cool big brother too, even when he’s not being cool at all.

She’s not a stupid kid.

Steve Harrington is helping save her brother.

Without taking his eyes off her, Billy says, "Yeah. Sounds fun."

Max thinks it sounds fun too.


End file.
